I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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