I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
