and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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