bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
