Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
