I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How does one acquire holy water?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
