you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
