Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
