he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
even my farts smell like vagina
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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