well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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