I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My balls are so social today.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
