im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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