I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
