Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
