would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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