dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
