Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
