but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
