My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
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If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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