Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My penis needs a shock collar
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
