Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
