dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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