There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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