I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
