it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
