i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
