Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
