she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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