Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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