The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
