you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
