you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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