fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
