Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
pray to the hookup gods
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
