When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
