At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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