last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
