The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
