in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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