Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
