i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
