maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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