I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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