I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
