is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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