Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
