Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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