when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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