Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
