I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
