if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
