3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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