If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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