It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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