at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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