i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
