Where did you get a picture of my penis
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
