I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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