I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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