I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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