Too much gin, very little bucket
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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