Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
