I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
