Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
