new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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