If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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