so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
