Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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