Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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