If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
