He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
