her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
