i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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