It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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