What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry my hands just texted you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
