I wish my penis had an off switch
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
