You just made me feel so damn special
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
